I used to ask myself all the time “what if I never recover from heartbreak?”

It turns out you will. In fact, there is actually a surprise secret to healing that I am going to share with you today.

A few years, I suffered a horrible break up. Sometimes the camera of my mind replays the scene of my younger self, lying on the bathroom floor, sobbing uncontrollably. We broke up. I broke down.

According to therapist Joyce Marter, Founder and CEO of Urban Balance, “a broken heart mirrors a depressive episode, and someone might have a decrease in appetite, disruptive sleep, and anxiety about the future,” Marter said.

When we invest ourselves, our time, our emotions, and our hearts into building a life with a partner, we are feeding our hope, nurturing our happiness. A break up can not only destroy that happiness but also diminish or even rob us of any hope of ever finding love again.

There is no socially established mourning process for the death of a relationship.

So what’s the secret?

Choose to prioritize happiness.

While this advice might seem like an oversimplification of healing, prioritizing happiness takes a lot of work. You have to find the strength to search for the wisdom embedded in the hurt.

My own therapist told me “When we are rooted in the present moment we feel our best. Often people who are suffering from a broken heart tend to worry about the future or obsess over the past.”

There were many days when I struggled to find any source of joy in the present, but you should know that feeling heartache is part of the healing process, and there is no shame in letting the body, mind, and soul experience all that it needs to in order to feel happy again.

Remember to have hope that you will love again. If you aren’t there yet, have hope that you will hope to have love again.